3 People Who Might Inadvertently Ruin Your Wedding Day
Do not allow yourself to become complacent with the thought that because you live a simple, drama-free lifestyle that’s filled with happiness and gratefulness that your wedding day won’t have any real issues. So you don’t have any issues with your mother-in-law to-be, and neither you nor your soon-to-be husband has any crazy psycho exes that are looking to destroy your wedding day in an attempt to win one of you back. That stuff is certainly what great chick flicks are made of, but it’s also the kind of stuff that does occasionally happen in real life.
Lucky for you, you don’t have toxic relationships. Unfortunately for you, the people in and around your wedding might have those kind of toxic relationships. Even if you consider you group of friends relatively free of conflict and you’re certain there will be no Real Housewives of New Jersey-style drama at your reception, think again. Get ready to live the phrase, “It’s not me, it’s you,” because there are a few people on your guest list that might just try and ruin your big day with their petty personal problems and drama, and you have to be able to spot those people before they become a problem.
The Bitter Bridesmaid
There is nothing that tests the true spirit of friendship so much as a wedding. Your girlfriends might mean the world to you, but you’ll see just how much you mean to them as your big day gets closer. Of course, you’re scoffing right now, aren’t you? Your friends would never do that (let’s let the record state that your friends probably will not do that, mine didn’t, but some do, and we have to issue this advice to those brides). However, there are a few signs you can look out for as the big day approaches to see if your bitter bridesmaid might try to ruin your big day.
- She’s constantly complaining about everything. A good friend will complain only to other bridesmaids behind your back about how awful the dresses are and how much she hates the style you chose for her hair. A real friend will never say these things to your face (we kid). But really, be careful of the bridesmaid who constantly complains about everything from the dress you chose to the groom to the date you picked, to the location of your bachelor/bachelorette weekend to the menu choices at the reception. She’s not happy for you; and she’s going to stress you out.
- She’s never available. We are all busy; it’s true. But those of us who care for our friends will find a way to be there for the vast majority of the big things that are happening for the wedding (parties, fittings, adventures….) with no complaint and no word about how difficult it was to get there. If she’s not there on a regular basis, she’s probably not as reliable as you believe.
- She’s not helpful. This one is pretty self-explanatory. She had the option to say, “I’d love to, but with four kids and a husband and a full-time job, I just don’t have the kind of time to devote to you that I know you deserve during your wedding,” when you asked her to be a bridesmaid. If she didn’t, and she’s still not helpful, she’s going to continue to cause problems.
The “Only Bride that Ever Existed”
Okay, so it’s a rite of passage when you become a new bride or new mother to feel that you’re the only person who ever got married or had a baby, but it’s also common knowledge that this is not always welcome behavior. If you have a sister-in-law, cousin, friend or whatever that just got married – or was married 25 years ago – and knows it all, you are going to want to avoid her as much as possible. You are a grown woman with the ability to get married and plan a wedding all by yourself and you’re happy to ask for her advice when needed. What you don’t need, however, is to listen to her tell you all about every single thing you are doing ‘wrong’ or not doing ‘right’ in her opinion. She’s not the Goddess of Weddings. Until she’s been married as often as Elizabeth Taylor, she’s not a marriage expert.
The Etiquette-Less Guest
This one is a broad description. We could be talking about the uncle who can’t help himself around an open bar or the cousin who never RSVPs to anything and yet always shows up with an entourage of five in tow even though she didn’t ask, say anything or indicate she was coming. Then there is the person who RSVPs for 4 even though you made it clear on the invitation that her invite was for two (how many dates does a woman need, for goodness sake?). There’s the one who shows up in white with a tiara and a stylist. There’s the guest who shows up to your black-tie affair in jeans with his beer koozie in his pocked (at least he left the empty beer bottle in the parking lot). There are so many etiquette-less guests that we just can’t list them all.
What to Do to Handle These Guests
Honesty is the best policy; you learned this when you were 3 and the rules haven’t changed a bit since. If you’re going to have a stress-free wedding, talk to these people straight up, right now. Tell that bridesmaid that’s becoming bitter to tell you what’s up and talk to you about her issues. It might be that she simply feels that she lost you in the excitement of planning a wedding and feels you haven’t been there for her with her breakup, engagement, new baby, new job, etc. It could be a matter of simply talking it out. It could also be a matter of firing her from her duties to please everyone.
Being honest with people is not easy, but it does offer a sense of empowerment that’s hard to deny. Simply saying, “Look, Uncle Jimmy, you have to wear a suit and leave your koozie at home. Otherwise, you’re not invited to my wedding,” might do the trick.