How Not to Not Invite People To Your Wedding
Scrolling through your Facebook news feed always comes with a bit of entertainment. What is she wearing? Another duck face. Who’s getting married? And then there is a news feed that looks like this (and please note that any and all misspelling and incorrect grammar comes from the original poster – not us!):
Well, you just can't make things like this up. What did we learn from this interesting Facebook post? I say we learned a very valuable lesson; two, actually. The first is that we are definitely not invited to this wedding (though it does sound like one we might want to see for sheer entertainment) and the second is exactly what not to do to make sure your guest list is the right size for your big day.
We all know guests lists are a touchy subject. You want to invite everyone you know and love, but you can’t always do that. Little annoyances like space and budget have a really unfortunate way of ruining your ability to invite your 2,500 closest friends and family and coworkers. So that leaves most couples agonizing over whom and whom not to invite to their wedding. If you’re in the process of planning your own wedding, you know this very well. It’s not fun. It makes you feel bad. It makes you feel guilty, and it makes you feel obligated to have some very awkward conversations with people you’re not that close to in the first place.
Before we delve into the correct way in which to narrow down your guest list before your wedding, let’s discuss something obvious. Why do we have to explain to people why they’re not invited, and why do people always assume they are invited anyway? Common sense dictates this one rule; if someone didn’t invite you to their wedding, it’s none of your business. Chances are you already know they have a budget, a small venue or you’re not really that close, so what’s the big deal? Why become offended? It’s someone’s wedding day and making the decision to exclude certain people was not easy for the bride and groom – please don’t make it worse by making it awkward.
Now that we’ve cleared that one up, let’s talk guest lists. More importantly, let’s talk about narrowing down guest lists to save money and space at a venue with a size limit. The most important thing to remember is that this is your big day, and you are not obligated to invite anyone you don’t want to invite.
Narrowing Down the Guest List
Start with three categories: Definitely can’t leave off, maybe, and no. Now fill out your guest list. You have people you absolutely under no circumstances want to miss your wedding, so they go into the definitely can’t leave off list. Anyone you might think you want but don’t feel super obligated to invite should go in the maybe list. People you don’t want to invite go in the no list. Maybe you’re lucky and you’ve narrowed it down enough now.
If you’re not, go through and see what other changes you can make. You can’t take off your definitely list, so you’re going to have to get rid of some of those maybes. It’s not fun, but it’s doable. It helps you see who is the most important to you so you can make the most educated decision about your wedding guest list.
Acknowledge Questions Honestly
There are going to be people who ask about their invitation (you know, they one they’re not getting). You have to face it honestly and immediately. Be upfront and tell that person that while you wish you could accommodate them as a guest, you have so much space and such a large family you had no additional space or that it wasn’t in the budget. Even if it’s someone you simply didn’t want to invite and left off your guest list on purpose, a little white lie is going to be better and much less awkward than saying, “I just don’t like you like you like me, mmmkay?”
Address the Situation Publicly
I’m not really a fan of this one, because I believe it’s unnecessary. People who aren’t invited shouldn’t have the classless audacity to ask why not; it’s so awkward. However, many brides recommend this route before invitations go out. Some brides recommend posting to Facebook or Twitter that while they’d love to invite everyone they know, they simply cannot for various reasons.
If you feel this will make uninvited guests feel better, go for it. It’s not mandatory, however, so don’t feel like you have to make a big deal about it.
What you can do, however, is try not to make your status update quite as awkward as the one above. Weddings should be a bit more elegant than everyday life, so go ahead and leave those fair weather friends off your guest list without calling them out about it on social media.