Be An Amazing Bride In The Eyes of Your Bridesmaids
Planning your wedding is probably the most exciting moment in your life to date, and no one is ever going to tell you it’s not. Except maybe your bridesmaids. Sometimes brides get a little bit out of line, a little bit out of sorts and
completely a little bit crazy. Listen; it happens. We all want our wedding day to be perfect. We want flawlessness. We want perfection. We want everything just so, and it would be fine if everyone could just do their job exactly how you tell them to do their job. You are the bride, so you and the groom get final say in everything. But you have to remember something very important; your vendors never have to see you again once your wedding is over (probably happily in some cases). Your girlfriends, however, are part of your forever life.
At least, you want them to be part of your forever life. That means you need to take a chill pill, relax and remember that these women are standing up for you on the biggest day of your life because they love you. They don’t owe you anything. They love you. Make sure they still love you when your wedding is over and you are back to your regularly scheduled programming. Need a bit of help remembering how to be a good friend and how to make sure your bridesmaids still love you in the planning process? It’s so easy to forget that while this is your day, it’s not all about you every single moment of every single day leading up to it. Here are a few tips straight from those who have been bridesmaids as well as brides in the past.
Introduce Your Friends
It’s not always easy for some women to get to know other women what with horrible first impressions and all that. If your bridesmaids do not know one another before the big day, go ahead and make it a point to introduce everyone and even play a little game that helps everyone get to know the ladies they’ll be spending so much time with. It’s a great way to allow them to connect, and to make sure that no one feels like an outsider on your wedding day. This is especially important if you have a friend that doesn’t know the rest of your friends. Perhaps if you have one odd woman out, speak to your group of girlfriends in advance and ask them to please make sure they welcome her with open arms so she doesn’t feel awkward with a group of ladies who have been friends forever. She will appreciate that immensely.
Respect Your Friends’ Private Lives
Here’s something that many brides tend to forget when the wedding planning gets going full throttle; your bridesmaids have lives of their own to live, too. They might have husbands, boyfriends, fiances, their own wedding to plan, kids, pregnancies, careers, travel, a new home or something of that nature going on in their own lives. Your bridesmaids have their own lives, and they cannot always take the time to drop what they are doing right this second and help you out. Please remember that this is not because they don’t love you, or they are jealous of you, or they are useless; they just cannot. Take me for example; I have four small kids 7, 5 and 2-year-old twins. If you ask me to be a bridesmaid in your wedding, I’m not going to be available for you 24/7. I will do anything I can when I can, but I’d appreciate you not being frustrated with me if I cannot wake my twins up from their nap and take care of an emergency for you an hour before I have to be at school to get my older girls.
Ask away, bride; just remember to keep the resentment in check if you call a bridesmaid and she has a sick child or no sitter, or she’s at work, or she’s busy with her husband. One more thing to remember is to make plans as far in advance as possible, too, so that it increases the chance that everyone in the bridal party can join.
Respect Your Friends’ Budgets
Perhaps you make 7-figures per year and can afford to do just about anything you want. Maybe half your bridesmaids make plenty of money and don’t have to abide by a strict budget. Perhaps another one does. The one thing that can make any situation a bit dicey is finances. You have to be sure that your girlfriends can afford to do all the things that you are asking of them when you ask them to be your bridesmaid, or at least respect the fact that perhaps a bachelorette weekend in Hawaii at the spa is simply not in the budget.
One way to give your girls a heads-up is to let the know ahead of time what you’d like to do and what you might expect them to spend on your big day and all the events leading up to that day. Give them a chance to gracefully and respectfully decline the invitation to be a bridesmaid for financial purposes, and please do not embarrass them or make them feel worse than they might already feel for not being able to join you.
Feed and Water Your Ladies
And by water, we mean make sure there is a mimosa bar stocked and ready to go at the salon or in your bridal suite the morning of the big day. We don’t want to see you with sloppy bridesmaids, so you might not want to ask that one friend who cannot hold her liquor to be part of this big day – kidding, really. Just make sure there is also plenty to eat while you’re indulging in those spa-morning mimosas. Do yourself a favor, too, and include several options for everyone. No one wants to be drunk or bloated, so perhaps some croissants, some fruit and some other healthy options are a good choice. I’d also recommend plenty of water for the ladies, too.
Let your ladies choose their own dresses
Uniformity is boring, so let the ladies pick a style that works for them and their own body type. You can pick a color, but let the ladies you love choose their own dress. Why? For one, they’re probably paying for their own dress which means price is a factor. Secondly, you know that you have a difficult time with confidence when you are in a dress you hate, so why make the ladies in your wedding party try on a dress that makes them feel less than beautiful? Why make them spend money and time wearing a dress that makes them uncomfortable and might not be flattering on all body types? It’s your day, but these women are your friends and they deserve to feel beautiful and confident when they stand up for you. That’s what a good friend wants for her favorite ladies.
Tell Them You Appreciate Them
Better yet, show your best friends that you appreciate all they’ve done for you. Actions always speak louder than words. By remembering that they have their own busy lives and that they cannot always be at your beck and call, remembering that budgets are different for many women and that they won’t have time to run out for a meal the day of your wedding so providing one for them is a nice idea, you’re showing them you love and respect them. You’re also showing them how you’d like to be treated if you are ever a bridesmaid for one of them.
It’s certainly not your job to present your bridesmaids with gifts, but a little something the day of your wedding might be nice. Whether it’s just a nice meal that morning or a little something such as a frame with a photo of you and each of them in their respective frames to remember this wonderful time with, or even a letter thanking them for all they’ve done for you, a little token of appreciation for all these lovely ladies is always a nice idea. Additionally, there are some brides who are unfortunate in that one of their best friends might actually be bitter or angry or resentful, and she might make things difficult. This is your day. You know that being a bridesmaid does require a certain amount of time, effort, money and work and that while not everyone can attend everything, they do their best to accommodate you for most everything. While things happen and things come up, if you do have a friend who is never available, complains or makes you feel bad, you can always remove her from the wedding party.
Remember, ladies; this is your day and you have the final say in anything that you feel is important. Your friends know this is your day, and they should be okay with most anything. After all, they want you to be happy, too.